Bird Feces Attacks Dubliners

DUBLIN - Young women cried out in disgust as Dublin's bird population attacked with a vengeance. Excrement was their weapon. Blouses were their targets.

"I was just walking along Grafton Street when suddenly I thought I had been hit by a bullet!" explained a terrified Mary Mitchell. "And then I saw it! Bird poo! On my favorite purple cardigan!"

Authorities believe the birds are reacting to Dublin's general distaste towards their species.

"We think they may have increased their fiber intake," reported Garda Officer Patrick O'Flannery. "It happened once before in '67. People just don't care for the birds anymore, and I think they are starting to notice."

Women are not the only targets, though it is widely believed that they are attacked more frequently due to their brightly coloured jumpers.

Dubliners have recently taken to using umbrellas to avoid the bird droppings, which has also been discovered to protect from the rain.